The Front Porch

We re=visited The Front Porch restaurant at 12039 North Florida Avenue in Dunnellon on 26 November 2010. This was our 79th visit to the Front Porch and our second official Tampa Bay Breakfasts visit. I did grow up here, y’know.

We always love coming here. It’s a perfect family diner in a nice small town.

The menu is extensive and has all the right stuff on it. Today our favorite guest reviewer, Mom, and our new sidekick, Ivo, joined us for quality morning chow.

Favorite Guest Reviewer Mom obviously had her hands full there. She does things the “mom way,” which usually means being warm, loving, and inconveniencing one’s own self for the love of the child.

Dad’s just plop the kid down and jam in a bottle. Wham. Done. Next problem. With my other hand I’m actually changing the oil in Mom’s car.

Here’s how you know we’re not in the city. There aren’t any breakfast joints in Tampa that have shotgun shells on display at kid-head-level. At least, there’s not any place in Tampa that we’re aware of, and so far as I can tell, no one in the history of Tampa has ever visited as many breakfast spots as we have. We are the Benevolent Breakfasters, the Masters of the Morning Munch, the Perfect Pancake Posse. Oh, and also, we are Awesome Alliterators. And back to the shotgun shells, I think we heard someone say that it was the start of “gun season” ’round here. You know you’re back home when it’s gun season.

Mom and Marek get in a morning toast. You’d like to think that they’re toasting how much they love dad. I’d like to think that, too, but I know better.

Favorite Guest Reviewer Mom likes the hot chocolate. Marek does too. She shows her motherly love by spoon-feeding him. As the dad, I’m required to counter this behavior by making him make his own hot chocolate. Step 1: Go to South America and start picking cocoa leaves and make your own chocolate. Oh, and also, walk to South America. It builds character.

There’s a reason why little boys love moms most.

Today’s the Yankeetown Arts and Crafts Festival. I dressed appropriately. I was the only person I saw all day wearing one of these high-quality custom t-shirts. I did get some compliments on my ability to keep milking a political issue that is effectively yesterday’s news.

We got saved from hearing more about grassroots political activities and open source software, because here came breakfast!

Bacon. Good bacon, too. And pancakes. Good pancakes. Notice how the Front Porch also brings you honey. I like honey. Buzzzzzz.

Marek dug on into these pancakes, and the bacon too. Did you ever wonder, dear TBB fans, how I get such good action shots of Marek eating? It’s because I send him to bed without supper the night before, to ensure he’s going to be hungry the next morning. Did you ever wonder about the difference between “ensure” and “insure?” Did you ever wonder about which is correct, to put a punctuation mark inside or outside the quotation marks when a sentence ends in a quotation mark, like the previous sentence did?

You can see his joy at being the star of the show this morning. What a good attitude … it’s like he’s 3 going on 17.

About 12 clams for breakfast for three. The price is right down here in Funnellon. Marek declined to pay the bill. More of that 3 going on 17 thing. We’ll grow out of it. Won’t we? I hope?

The Front Porch remains one of our all-time favorites. It’s very local. The food is consistently good. It’s a classic small-town, home-town place. The price is very right. And also, they have good pie. We’re pleased to confirm The Front Porch’s Tampa Bay Breakfasts rating of four and a half pancakes.


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