Here at Tampa Bay Breakfasts, we’re just upside-down over all the great breakfasts in Tampa Bay!

(Alternate quote, “we’re falling for breakfasts in Tampa Bay”)

We parked across the street from the original Hooters.

Window-shopping for mom for her birthday. Assault rifle or Civil War artifact or Hooters calendar? How terrible of me. To say “or.” Of course, she can have them all.

Really, we’re going next door to the gun shop and across the street from Hooters to Kevin’s Kitchen.

Guns and Hooters. For folks who aren’t from around here, I am keenly aware that in your mind, “guns and Hooters” is pronounced “Tampa Bay.”

A standard menu, laminated for maximum kid-exposure. Note that there’s an Albanian Skillet on the menu. I’d have never guessed, four years ago when we started, that Albania would be so hugely represented in The Tampa Bay Breakfastscape. There must be a dozen places with Albanian ties. Not one Italian or German breakfast here. No Korean or Russian breakfasts. But Columbia and Albania, y’all’re on top.

Good looking breakfast boys. Marek’s not with us this morning, you may have noticed. He’s off doing the Coastal Cleanup with his mother. They’re such fine people.

And Ivo and I, we’re just serious people. Serious about breakfast. Can you tell?

The best part about the interior of Kevin’s is the clock up on the wooden panel, made up of Daliesque cutlery.

I’m wearing my prized Daliesque Simpsons t-shirt. Ivo spent some time picking out the characters and asking why they look like that.

Or maybe to Ivo the whole world looks twisted, and this shirt of mine is the only thing that looks normal. That’s a shade too close to the likely truth.

And along came breakfast. Pancakes and bacon for Ivo. He pulled out his trusty knife and started cutting. And, fine boy that he is, he gave me his bacon. Without Marek here, I actually got some bacon. It was so nice. Felt like my birthday, which is already coming fast and furiously at me.

Some very nice blueberry pancakes. I mulled over the Albanian Delight, but decided that Kevin’s didn’t look like it was doing enough volume for gyros to be really good and fresh here. I’m glad I went with the pancakes, as they were really nicely done.

Here’s a caption contest picture. Is Ivo:

1. Trying out for American Idol, Breakfast Edition?
2. Eating a pretend pancake?
3. Or is the blurry pancake on the plate blurry because he tried to eat the whole thing and I captured it falling off the fork, with an amazing and daring feat of phone-tography?

This picture is sooooo going in Ivo’s senior yearbook 12 years from now.

And here’s yet another, where he’s slurping pancakes like spaghetti. This kid’s got creative chops. He’s gonna be a stah.

After all that, a toast. Ivo says, “let’s do cheers, dad!”

I’m still scared at how he just mauled those pancakes, so I’m going to do anything he says.

Eleven bucks for two breakfasts. Not terrible. Ivo’s going to pay the bill. Even though, or maybe because the place was pretty empty, he was shy and needed goading.

It’s a good boy who brings the change back to his dad. One day, Ivo will go out and make some social change to go along with his breakfast change. In the mean time I’m just happy to get the money back in my pocket. It only cost me a quarter.

We had an OK time at Kevin’s. It seemed like it hasn’t been in business very long. We drive by here a lot and it’s the first time I’ve noticed it, but then again maybe I’m always staring at the Hooters across the street, hoping to see some orange hotpants. Urban Spoon doesn’t even have a listing (but I suggested it to them this morning). Not much in the way of customers and bustle. Prices OK, pancakes done nicely, coffee ran a little dry for a while. We’ll give Kevin’s Kitchen a Tampa Bay Breakfasts three pancake rating.

The Scion FR-S is a family car. Seriously, look at all the kids you can jam into this vehicle.

We’re driving down the road. Ivo says, “daddy, I can’t see!”

I say, “but why, Ivo?”

He says, “because Batman’s in my eyes.”

True story. Here’s a picture to prove it.

Marek is now officially a bookworm. I knew a young fellow three or more decades ago who was glued to a book all the time, so I don’t mind that Marek’s turning out that way, too.

We’re heading to Clearwater, which means we have to drive by the airport, which means we can go round and round up the parking garage and back down the other side, Tokyo Drift style!

The view from the top of the airport parking garage.

The view from the Clearwater Beach bridge. Lovely day for breakfast!

The view from the top of the world, Tampa Bay Breakfasts style.

We visited Maggie Mae’s on 24 August 2013. We were just in time, we got to sit outside. Maggie Mae’s is at 1261 Gulf Blvd Clearwater Beach, FL 33767, and they have a nice web site at http://www.maggie-maes.com/. When you go, note that it’s not obvious from the road. Look next door to The Columbia, tucked into the strip mall.

Marek announced that he was going to unwrap all the flatware for us. I asked that maybe he not, not all of it. But I do applaud his initiative, this being a boy who can’t be bothered to put on underpants and all.

The impressive menu. For a tiny spot in a strip mall, the offering is wide-ranging. This is just the first page. (I did not get the “Dad’s Best,” though that would be my “thing” to get something so named. Nor did I get the “Hillbilly Taters,” which may also find affinity with me.)

Like I say, the menu be good enough to eat. If you go to Maggie Mae’s you may be given a menu with a corner gnawed off. That’d be thanks to Ivo.

Hot chocolates for the boys. And hot coffee for me. This was before we realized we were sitting in the 140 degree morning sun. That’s Fahrenheit, for our loving readers in more northern, colder, Centigrade locales.

So I’m sitting here with a boy named Marek (not too many of those in Florida, but there’s a few, if the Internet can be believed) and a boy named Ivo (none of those in Florida, I bet) and who strolls up like it’s just a normal day, but a guy named Ivo.

(We knew he was coming, so it’s not like a complete surprise!)

Our delightful waitress was from Bremen. I thought she sounded like she was from up north. She also informed the boys that the owner of Maggie Mae’s likes Rod Stewart, a singer whom I was surprised to discover isn’t dead yet. And, in the course of the extensive background research I do for these articles, his name is actually “Roderick.”

When “Big Ivo” left his smart phone on the table, he discovered just how fast Marek can order a pizza. “Extra Angry Birds,” hollers Ivo-the-younger.

Breakfast took a little while to arrive, but this little shop was pretty slammed. Big Ivo got the pancakes, bacon, and eggs. I think, it’s not like we were actually able to talk much during the time leading up to this, what with the whirlpool of boys circling us.

Here’s what we all suspected was actually happening. Marek taking his bacon and trying to find a vein.

Younger Ivo, always with the knife, this one.

In hindsight, this was such a chaotic experience, trying to talk with big Ivo and all, I don’t even remember if the boys ate anything.

If Edgar Allen Poe had lived in Florida, the poem would read, “Quoth the Seagull … Nevermore!”

Ivo the shorter one is going to go find the check. Notice how sweaty he is now. A working breakfast professional has to endure all sorts of climates.

Off they go, intrepid lads. Ivo with the cash. Marek for security and navigation. These boys might turn into a dynamite, unstoppable team one day.

Out of focus shot (how does that happen with a modern smart phone, anyway?), but check out the curious kid assessing what they’re up to. They don’t know I’ve crept in behind them to observe. (I’m not there for security, but for curiosity, to see how they handle themselves when I’m not there.)

Our cheerful Bremener waitress caught me in the act. Apparently she thought this was a hoot.

Ivo came back with the bill (though Marek was hauling the change, for some reason). $35 for four, not bad. Especially given the waterfront location.

Heron standing watch, in case a pancake goes flying.

Big Ivo got in some after-breakfast exercise. I couldn’t get a good shot of him holding all three of us, sadly.

Sacks of taters, Seely-boy-style.

Here’s the same pose, but from the back. At about this point, Marek started chanting that we had to rent jet skis.

This is the favorite game of the day. “Swing-an-Ivo.”

The end of a great breakfast. Happy Marek. Dancing Ivo.

Maggie Mae’s lived up to the hype. Excellent food. I had the home-made corned beef hash, which was outstanding. Service was maybe a little slow, but there’s a disclaimer on the menu that “things take time,” or something like that. Price was fine, considering the location. And you can’t beat the chance to have a lovely breakfast on the back bay like this. Thanks to Big Ivo for joining us! We’re pleased to give Maggie Mae’s a Tampa Bay Breakfasts five pancake rating.

Heading out for another awesome breakfast this morning. You know it’s an awesome breakfast day when you see a wicked ’69 Camero on Dale Mabry.

Today we’re revisiting one of the best breakfasts you can find in Tampa Bay, Skyway Jacks at 2795 34th St S, St Petersburg, FL. We’ve been here once or twice. Skyway Jacks was the 2009 Tampa Bay Breakfast of the Year.

We’re meeting some new friends today. Usually intrepid Ivo is being shy.

We found a fine booth, big enough for five.

Our new breakfast friend Todd. You may recognize him from his excellent work at http://toddbatescreative.com/logo.html.

And our other new breakfast friend Arielle. You may recognize her from her excellent work at Creative Loafing.

Arielle and Todd, they’re in for a treat. The boys are all wound up and pingy, extra-chaotic. I dosed them with sugar and caffeine on the way in.

Studying the menu. Like we don’t already know what it’s going to be. Bacon, eggs, pancakes, coffee. Natch.

I think this is where the taunting started. The morning ended up with Marek and Ivo taking turns taunting Todd that he was a baby and a poopy-head. This shot is of Todd saying, “I am not!”

We all had a fine coffee this morning. Had to keep our strength up for the taunting.

Marek pointed out to Todd that his professional rig was nice and all, but it was no comparison to Marek’s 10-year-old hand-me-down Kodak happy-snapper. Todd gave it a try.

Arielle and Todd asked that we get breakfast all lined up for a good picture. That’s Ivo’s headless torso you see in the “good picture,” because there’s no “good” like “good enough” with us.

Followed up by a very nice self-portrait of me, with Marek and Ivo tickling and punching in the background.

Todd is part of our Ninja Attack on breakfast this morning. There are actually throwing stars and karate chops.

See? In 30 seconds, Todd’s plate is clean as the day it was made.

The bill came. $33ish dollars. Arielle tried to take the check, but Ivo did his signature hiiyah! flip through the air, followed by a “yoink!”

The boys have special jobs now. Ivo carries the cash and Marek navigates the terrain.

Arielle, not accustomed to the independent nature of these fine breakfast boys, is a bit shocked that I never once looked over my shoulder to see if they were OK. From the look on her face, they were probably getting into trouble, eating other people’s food, getting girls’ phone numbers.

With 3-year-olds, it’s always smart to hit the facilities at every opportunity.

How did you know breakfast was good? The giant chicken will tell you!

This breakfast was pretty standard for Skyway Jacks: Awesome from start to finish, made even better by the company of Arielle and Todd. Great price, wonderful food, cool atmosphere, and new friends. As good a breakfast as you can get in Tampa Bay. We’re pleased to validate Skyway Jacks with a Tampa Bay Breakfasts Five Pancake Rating.

Blasting down the highway this morning, looking for some chow. Came across this hot little number.

That’s one sweet ride, through and through. I wished we weren’t running 70 miles an hour or I’d have been able to get a closer look.

This morning we visited Lil Bit Kuntry at 4999 71st Ave N, Pinellas Park. This was a recommendation by Tampa Bay Breakfasts fan Justin.

Kung Fu Pose from the Breakfast Boys.

In our second awesome car sighting today, we got next-to-parked by a 1962 MG. This was one nice ride. Makes the FR-S look large.

Full assault on the dining room, like a Breakfast SWAT team.

The menu is full of delightful misspellings. I’ll be honest, it took me a couple looks to realize that they were deliberate. “Wow, these are some terrible spellers.” Followed by, “oh, everything’s misspelled, it’s funny that way.”

Hot chocolate for The Marek, which is his thing now.

Sweet and Low in his coffee for Ivo, which apparently is his thing now.

How we handle head-butting children in our family.

One of the rare moments where being a father of two doesn’t seem like it was a bad idea.

Here’s breakfast, pancakes first.

Bacon, eggs, and the “Kuntry Skillet” for me. What you’re seeing here is a “two, two, and two” split down the middle.

Ivo started cutting up his pancake. He probably brought that knife from home, as the waitress didn’t give the boys knives.

Marek ‘ll tell ya, everything’s better with a little high fructose corn syrup!

Eating fork and knife European style.

This is what a breakfast looks like when it’s having to deal with The Breakfast Boys. The look on Ivo’s face? That’s him looking at someone else’s breakfast, wondering if he could get a bite of that, too.

Sixteen smackers for the bill. Not terrible. Not fabulously cheap, but not terrible.

Ivo says, I’ll pay the bill, give me your money. I say no way, man. He jumped me from behind and took the money. As you look at this picture, give appropriate sound effects: Grunt, grunt, ouch, ooof.

Me handing over a Jackson after having had wall-to-wall counseling, Ivo-style.

Ivo earned a quarter for paying the bill. Here’s the funny bit. Both him and Marek now get a coin for paying the bill. Both get very excited, very proud. And by the time we get home, both manage to lose their coins.

The FR-S is a family car. Here’s Ivo doing a less than graceful ingress into the vehicle.

It kept getting worse. By which I mean funnier. A better father would have helped him rather than just taking pictures of him struggling.

Marek picked up a business card on our way out, just in case we needed to call for take-out bacon.

Afterwards, we went up the road to the Wagon Wheel flea market. I remember going there when I was Marek’s age. When you pay to park they give you coupons for drinks and hotdogs. So those were the boys’ “tickets” to the flea market. I’m finding that there’s a lot of fun and magic to things like this.

Marek, negotiating for a big car. He settled on a 1/32nd Nissan Skyline. Really good taste this boy has.

Ivo and Marek, comparing purchases. (They both got two dollars, and spend it well.)

Good breakfast at Lil Bit Kuntry. The Kuntry Skillet wasn’t really to my liking. It was fine, but full of sausage gravy, which is something I don’t really like too much of at one time. Pancakes were nicely done, bacon good, eggs hit the mark. Clientele were friendly. Not a bad breakfast, worth a stop if you’re in the area. We’re pleased to give Lil Bit Kuntry a Tampa Bay Breakfasts four pancake rating.