If you had that little monster staring at you all the time, you’d drive fast too!

Today it’s just me and Ivo. We’re applying lessons learned from our study of asymmetrical conflict and doing our first ever split-ops breakfast. Marek and Favorite Guest Reviewer Mom are over on Clearwater Beach having a simultaneous breakfast. That means, dear TBB Fans, that we get two breakfasts for the time of one.

We’re trying Kissin’ Cousins today. 951 34th St N in St. Pete. We’ve had a few recommendations for this over the years, and finally we made it.

The menu has all the right stuff in all the right places. You can tell Marek’s not with us, it’s all baby toys today. No cars.

Ivo’s so hungry. He’s eating napkins. What I didn’t get was a picture of him eating a knife, which would have surely cinched the Father of the Year award.

Ivo then ate the placemat. Several people started inching away from our table for fear he’d eat them.

We have a special guest today. The best performing artist in all of Tampa Bay, Aleshea! When I took this picture, she asked if she had bug-eyes. Yes, Aleshea, but not so much that anyone will notice. Unless they read this, of course.

Aleshea’s released her third album! She brought a copy for Tampa Bay Breakfasts, and we listened to it all the way home. Also note the nice touch of the graphic on the coffee cup.

Ivo promptly yoinked the CD. Of course, it went right in the mouth.

I traded Ivo a coffee creamer for the CD. I says to Aleshea, watch this. It’s gonna pop. She’s like, huh? What you talkin’ about? I say, just wait for it. Wait for it. Pop! Bwahahahahahaha. I’m such a great parent, if the disdaining looks from the next table over were any indication.

And then real breakfast came. Pancakes, bacon, eggs across the table, tall stack of blueberry pancakes on my side, and toast for Ivo.

Seriously, those are some very fine blueberry pancakes. Blueberries inside, outside, and also an emergency phone number to call in case you need more blueberries to be airlifted in.

Ivo and just a piece of dry toast. Ivo of the future is going to read this 20 years from now and feel very ripped off. I’ll get a phone call (or whatever it will be in 2031), and Ivo will be there demanding his blueberry pancakes that he got cheated on when he was 9 months old.

When we were done, me and Ivo made cute poses. This is my bug-eyed picture, so Aleshea doesn’t have to feel bad.

Then Aleshea and Ivo made cute poses. For young people without kids, this is the sort of moment that makes them think, hmmmm, maybe I want kids, too.

Which lasted all of 30 seconds before baby-chaos erupted. Aleshea is an intensely gifted artist, but even Alice Tuan would be unable to withstand this baby onslaught. For young people without kids, this is the kind of moment that makes them think, uhhhhhh, maybe not.

Lucky for Aleshea, she was saved by the bell. Or bill, in this case. $18 seems a little on the high side for just two breakfasts, but not grossly high, just a little high.

Ivo promptly fell asleep in the car, listening to Aleshea’s new CD. Note that he has his flip-phone handy, just in case his agent calls.

Which means that he completely missed the 1980s Maserati with the Dead Kennedys bumper sticker. It’s easily as good as a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac.

We had a great time at Kissin’ Cousins. This is a great diner. Big and packed, yet there was still a table for us, and, as busy as it was, the staff still seemed to know plenty of folks by name. The chow lives up to other reviews we’ve read. Great coffee. Aleshea gave thumbs-up on her chow. The blueberry pancakes are easily a peer to Skyway Jacks, and that’s saying something. We’re pleased to give Kissin’ Cousins a four and a half pancake rating.

Me and the boys, we’re just cruisin’ along down the road when we come up on this guy. From a distance I thought “73 Mustang!” We got up close and changed our tune. That looks like a ’72 Javelin SST, and if it were any sweeter it’d be made out of honey.

Marek wanted to take some pictures while we were driving. He took this nice shot of Ivo.

Marek wanted me to take a picture of “Cadbury” the bunny. Cadbury arrived on the scene during Easter and quickly, within 24 hours, won an award for “cherished childhood toy mom and dad are most sick of hearing about.”

For breakfast this morning we decided to go to this motorcycle shop. To get actual food, we’ll go next door to Emily’s at 7048 Park Blvd N in Pinellas Park, but the real nourishment will come from those rows of rockets on the left.

We found a seat along the wall where we had a window overlooking the bikes. Marek looked over the menu and decided, “pancakes.” For “Cadbury, dad.”

We made regular spot-checks on the motorcycle shop, just to make sure it was still there and that they hadn’t sold all the bikes yet. I’ve got a big $20 in my pocket, hoping that I can turn it into a new motorcycle!

We had a bit of four-stroke engine lubricant. This’ll keep our engine purring.

Bet you thought we got away without the eating machine. Here he is, hungry and ready for action!

Inside Emily’s you’ll find a very nice, clean, quiet atmosphere. The most distinguishing feature is the round lunch counter you see here. No one was sitting at it this morning. If it’s just Marek and I we’ll sit at the counters, but I’m already in danger of winning “Father of the Year” for my hijinks with Ivo; I’m not about to also balance him on a stool and take pictures of it.

I’m a new parent. There’s a lot of things I don’t know about kids. And here’s one of them. I’m minding my own business, looking at bikes through the window, getting Ivo’s breakfast ready, and I turn around to see Marek’s butt. I have no idea what’s going on here.

Here’s Ivo’s delicious snot meal. Mmmm, mmmm, good. Am I ever glad I’m not a baby, so I don’t have to eat this.

Something I’ve never seen at a breakfast restaurant (and believe me, I’ve seen almost every breakfast shack in the Bay Area) is baby food. It would not cost a lot of overhead for a restaurant to offer jars of Gerbers, baby oatmeal, stuff like that for babies who are just moving away from bottles but not quite advanced enough to cut their own pancakes. Probably wouldn’t sell a lot of it, but then again a jar doesn’t expire for years.

Ivo’s got to eat first, because otherwise he ends up in some other family’s booth, eating their purses and shoes. Note that “chicks dig him,” and I can assure you, they do. Though I’ve noticed that girls are slightly less attracted to two kids. One kid, when Marek was Ivo’s age, was a major aphrodisiac for ladies young and old. Two kids still attracts older ladies, but seems to count as “baggage” to the younger ones.

Here comes breakfast. Pancakes, bacon, and floppy eggs. Ivo sure wants some pancakes. Every weekend it’s like this, his gooey hand in my breakfast. Since Marek and I are splitting this one, I gave Marek the top pancake. He’ll never notice, until 20 years from now when he’s reading this. Hey Marek of the future, sorry about that, but when you have your own little Marek Juniors you’ll do the same thing.

Here’s another case of “I’m glad Mom doesn’t read these reviews.” Marek is very proud of his new ability to use a knife to knead a pancake to a pulpy mush that could then be eaten with a straw.

Marek, waving knife around: “I can DO it, dad!”

Me, ducking and handing over my wallet: “Yes you can, son, yes you can.”

No breakfast is complete without a does of HFCS.

We’ve learned our lesson well. In the Breakfast Battlefield, you always have a DMZ. Note the empty space on the table to the right: That space is exactly the length of Ivo’s left arm.

Marek and I agreed. The chow here at Emily’s is pretty good. Floppy eggs: nicely done. Bacon: a bit of crisp without being burnt. Pancakes: not shabby. Coffee: black and never ran dry.

I don’t need to tell you anything about this picture. It says it all by itself.

Ivo had some toast to go with his bowl of goo.

The bill wasn’t bad. Twelve clams for a breakfast that fed both of us.

Marek jumped up to pay.

While we were discussing the bill and the merits of the breakfast, Ivo had a top-off.

And proved that he’s intensely cute, but also, profoundly lazy.

Marek came back with change and also a pop! Now THAT is a good breakfast restaurant.

All Done!

We had some very nice chow, with reasonable bacon, floppy eggs, and nice pancakes, plus also some good black coffee that never went dry. Emily’s is a solid breakfast experience. We’re pleased to give Emily’s a Tampa Bay Breakfast four pancake rating.

I don’t think there’s any question on what we did next. We looked at motorcycles!

This was Marek’s favorite. He is also a Honda man, like his old man.

This was my favorite. Set up for drag, no kidding.

This is the same bike I used to run back before there were children. You can even find me on http://www.ironbutt.com/ with this bike.

In case you didn’t believe me.

And here’s what one of those looks like when you ride it through the back of a Volkswagen. Walked away from it, I did, but a lot of my money stayed at the bike shop that day.

We visited Shirley’s Soul Food at 1789 34Th St in St. Pete on 16 April 2011. Shirley’s is in a neat old rail car. The only other one we know in the Tampa Bay area is Nicko’s on North Florida. You can’t go wrong with breakfast in a rail car!

Shirley’s has a very basic menu. And the first thing they told us was that they were out of bacon. That’s not the best sign, I’ll admit.

Marek already knows what he wants! Pancakes!

Marek played shy-boy and wouldn’t say what he wanted. He had to have it coaxed and tickled out of him.

Ivo looked on. Thinking, no doubt, about time someone else gets tickled in this family. Notice the seat backs in the booths? Those are lovely. A hidden gem of Art Deco tucked away in a soul food diner.

We had a serious discussion about knives. And serrations. And cutting things. This is Marek, running his fingers along the knife edge, telling me he can use his own knife and he knows how and he won’t cut himself.

This is one clean, shiny floor! I don’t usually take pictures of floors (it’s odd enough that I take pictures of pancakes, wouldn’t you say?), but it was so shiny! And terrazzo, too.

We had to get Ivo started first, because his appetite waits for nothing. That’s Xavier looking on in the back. He would have a couple bites of his own breakfast and then come over to see what we were doing and then go back to get another couple bites. Ivo’s still in the car seat, balanced on a chair, because they didn’t have any highchairs. You can always tell when a place doesn’t really get a lot of family business.

Here comes breakfast. Marek’s mom is going to be sore that I let him use a knife, so I hope she doesn’t really read these reviews. She says she reads them, but she probably just skims through. Baby, if you’re reading this one, I wanted to make Marek stop, but … he had a KNIFE! I couldn’t get close to him, or he’d have stolen my wallet.

Ivo’s got to get his hand in.

Marek got some syrup help. I don’t think he needed help, but she was so sweet and, I think, sweet on Marek.

And so we all dug in! I had the corned beef hash since they were out of bacon. This hash was the best I’ve had in years. Dedicated readers will know that I’ve never actually ordered hash since we’ve been writing Tampa Bay Breakfasts, but still, this was delicious.

When we were done, Marek made a quick trick brick stack.

Marek agreed to pay the bill.

This is the rail-car side of Shirley’s. If it were just me and Marek we’d have sat at the counter, but Ivo isn’t ready for that kind of funnybusiness.

Marek told me he’s keeping the change for his parachute fund. Marek of the future, if you’re reading back through these and find the notes about your parachute fund, I’m going to have to admit to you a terrible family secret. Every time you kept the change and put it in your little pockets, you forgot about it, then we wash your clothes, find change in the washing machine, and throw it in the car-wash-and-parking-meter jar. So you’re not actually making any headway on the parachute fund.

Not a bad deal, two breakfasts for 11 bucks.

We did a little bit of goofin around.

And a little more goofin around.

Shirley’s has a bowl of candy!

It’s always a happy day when Marek has a pop!

We had a very nice breakfast this morning. Shirley’s was welcoming, the chow was delicious, the coffee hot and good. The price was right. Missing bacon and a high chair. We’re pleased to give Shirley’s a Tampa Bay Breakfasts four pancake rating.

We’re taking a really long ride this morning. Have to tank up. The Official Gas Station of Tampa Bay Breakfasts is the Citgo on Lois. Tell Jimmy that Andy sent ya!

We’re heading all the way to St. Pete Beach this morning. We’re that dedicated to exploring every breakfast in the Tampa Bay Area. That’s the Don CeSar in the distance.

This approach is lovely enough to show twice, for those homesick Florida ex-pats who can’t get enough. Here’s for you, New Hampshire.

Growing up, I never knew the concept of paying for parking. I’d just park my truck in the woods. But down here in Tampa Bay we seem to pay for parking a lot.

Along the way we found this beautiful Prickly Pear. A little tedious to eat, but they’re delish. Especially if you’re tromping through the scrub and just happen across one.

We’re on Pass-a-Grill this morning, in case you hadn’t noticed. We’re going to 200 Gulf Way, Pass a Grille, to try the Paradise Grill for some breakfast. They have a nice little web site at http://www.theparadisegrille.com/.

Ivo’s hungry. He grabbed the first menu and chose it. No, he didn’t choose something from the menu, he chose everything on the menu.

We’ve had some good breakfasts with nice views, but never quite like this one. We could huck hashed browns at stingrays from here. Or maybe zing pancakes at those guys out there with the metal detectors. The options are pretty much endless.

We left Ivo strapped to the car seat for a while. Me and Marek, we’re busy goofin’.

Really, really goofin’ hard! I think they almost called the bouncers on us. Not that they actually have bouncers, but I’m sure they were wishing they did.

Also, are you loving my Daliesque Simpsons shirt? My Simpsonsesque Dali shirt? Real deal on a street market in Figueres ten years ago. Seriously. Just re-found it last month. It is not, however, my most exotic t-shirt. I’ll wear that one in a future breakfast, when I get some better pectorals to put under it (it seems to have, ummm, shrunk over the years!).

We at Tampa Bay Breakfasts are no stranger to challenges. We test pancakes in all sorts of situations so you can go for breakfasts confident that some crazy guy dragged his poor kids there first and took pictures for you. Here at the Paradise Grill, there’s no highchairs, just picnic tables. A bit of a challenge for a young father by himself with wee-lads. Look how precarious Ivo looks … I’m sure glad his mother doesn’t read our web site, or I’d be in trouble!

Here’s how we handle challenges at Tampa Bay Breakfasts. If there’s no high chair, I am the high chair.

To make things even more complicated, here’s breakfast! In a tourist beach location that’s so dependent on being clean and pristine, I’m a bit surprised that they use plastic everything. But here we are.

Let’s dig in! By “us” I mean Ivo, with the hands again. Some of our readers are wondering if I just have a rubber prop hand that I slip into these pictures and then blame it on Ivo. I know who you are. For example, you could be my own father thinking that, since you gave me a rubber hand years ago. No, this is really Ivo all the time. And my rubber hand is stored away in the Christmas ornaments.

Havin’ breakfast on the water’s edge. This is Florida livin’.

Ivo never seemed to notice that he wasn’t actually in a chair. Boy has his eyes on the chow!

Marek loves these sunglasses. What color are your sunglasses, Marek? They’re rainbow, dad!

We had a wonderful time at the Paradise Grill. Until we paid the bill. $20 for breakfast is pretty steep, where ever you go, but we figured that we were paying at least a 50% premium for the view. The bacon was outstanding, the eggs pretty good, the pancakes were sort of small, but they had to be to fit on the paper plates. Home fries were a nice addition and were delish. The coffee went down pretty smooth, too. An interesting observation, the female staff were all very perky and helpful but the male staff seemed sort of sullen and distant. Not like total-freak-show-sociopath, just not super-helpful to a guy with his hands full of little kids.

We’ll give the chow at Paradise Cafe a 3.5 rating, and bump it up a notch for the location. We’re pleased to give the Paradise Cafe a Tampa Bay Breakfasts four and a half pancake rating. Don’t go when it’s raining.

After breakfast we walked next door to the little crafts market that is here every Saturday. Marek got to pet a bird.

We found a pretty necklace for Mom!

We got to pet a dog named Cheeto!

And we couldn’t waste a trip to the beach, now, could we?

This isn’t Ivo’s first time in the sand. Mom took the boys to the beach for A Whole Day last week!

We’re on the beach on Dad Time, which means we didn’t bring towels or toys or anything. So … don’t get wet, boy!

While Marek capered, me and Ivo hung back and enjoyed the morning sunshine.

On the way home, we saw this Charger for sale. You can’t tell here, but it looks like the exhaust pipes are painted red. This car looks awesome from a block away.

All this really happened.